The Neurotic

I woke up feeling great today after a good night's sleep. The flu's definitely in remission, though my constitution is not back to normal yet. At least I didn't have to pop a Panadol just so I wouldn't freeze while taking a shower. I still took today off though. :p I'm sure everyone at the office thinks I'm malingering but I do have an MC for Friday if questioned. Meh, what good is working at a family company if I can't take off days to recuperate.

With the exception of my flu, it has been a great past few weeks, with me working no more than three days a week, lol. And just four days this week! :p One full week next week and then it's a four-day week again over X'mas!

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I've just been made an officer of the gay WoW guild I've been with on and off for almost four years. I'm quite happy about it though part of me wants to tell them "Well it's about time!"

As expected, there is a whole lot of drama that comes with running a guild, much less a ginormous gay one with hundreds of members. I'm slowly wading through all the officer threads in the forum on the guild website. Lotsa juicy reading. :-x

“Happiness is like a butterfly which, when pursued, is always beyond your grasp, but, if you will sit down quietly, may alight upon you.”

Hey y'all,




This is what I most want for Christmas & the new year, decade beginning in a few short weeks. I pray for change in 2010! 2009 seems like a lost cause. I have felt like I have been stuck in quicksand all year, despite attempting to free myself. I feel I am slipping below the surface. I have never felt so alone & hopeless. I just want to die, tired of my ego running my life into the ground. I have been humbled and taken down to my knees.....................

“When planning for a year, plant corn. When planning for a decade, plant trees. When planning for life, train and educate people.” - Chinese Proverb


Hey y'all,



I started this blog in 2004 and just recently started blogging regularly. I am in the middle of reflecting on this past decade ~ 2000-2009 as it is slowly coming to an end. 2010 marks the beginning of what I think will be a glorious new decade! This project is allowing me to go back into my memories of the past 10 years and pull up my favorite memories, the events, people and places that stood out for me the most, personally! I shall post this soon! Stay tuned. ~ T.


UPDATE:



I spent 2 hours, trying to post it here, only to be told the posting was too big for LJ to handle so I posted my decade in review on Facebook. If your connected with me there, you can check it out! That is all.

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Lord, I've been abusing myself.

Lol. In retrospect - always retrospect - I never did get over my last bout of flu. I was just at the doctor and she enlightened me with the fact that we generally only feel our illnesses when they reach a critical point.

Boy do I feel stupid now. On MJ's wedding day, when I said I need a Panadol, that was probably because I was getting feverish from gymming the day before and not getting enough sleep after. And on Wed, when I felt overheated after gym, that was probably my fever resurfacing again. I conveniently didn't realize all the signs that my flu virus is still very much alive beneath the surface.

Well it kicked in hard again last night, with the body aches and chills. I still went into work this morning because I thought it would sound like I was malingering if I said my flu came back but I was just so out of sorts I left for the doc's soon after. At least the OL came in in time to see me there. Looks less like I've been faking. :-d

I'm not sure about work next week but I'm definitely gonna rest up this weekend. Doc also said I shouldn't be so quick to abuse myself at the gym once I feel better. Blargh. I'm gonna get fat again.

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Google Street View was launched in Singapore on Tuesday. It's a little disturbing, how clearly I can see my house. At least it's not real time. From one spot I can see my mom's car but it's not there when I look from another. And when I look at my office, I see my car parked there but in a different spot from today.

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I spent yesterday printing sticker labels for the OL's X'mas card list and today typing the names into the cards. I like typewriters - the noise they make is very satisfying, like I'm being productive. Chkchkchkchkchkchkchck. I think I'd make a good personal assistant but I doubt there are many such job openings for men in S'pore. We're still quite sexist in some regards.

It's a mailing list that cutedwogy would love to get his hands on - not quite the A-list of Singapore's political scene but close. An A-minus list, with some ministers and a whole lot of PBM, PPA, etc. Those are medals that award their recipients titles, e.g. Mr. Lawson Teo, PBM. Something like the UK's OBE and such I suppose. The OL has a couple of them, which goes to show that they aren't awarded for morality.

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I'm hooked on this stuff: Nature's Own Brown Rice Instant Cereal with Spirulina. Not sure why. It tastes fine but I think I'm attracted to how healthy it seems to be (with the exception of the creamer). The absence of sugar and cholesterol is perfect for me.

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http://www.designboom.com/weblog/cat/9/view/8339/woha-masterplan-for-singapore-2050.html

Good lord, I had assumed that now that I'm handling the OL's properties I wouldn't have to do the company's two annual reports as well but I've just been told I'm s'posed to. Wow. I'm actually gonna be busy, like real job kind of busy. I hope I get a raise for this. :-x It's not so much that I eschew work, but it's definitely not very satisfying if doing work gets me nothing and nowhere.

Apart from the facts and figures, I'm not sure how to vary the copy for the annual reports from last year. It used to be that there were different design firms that handled writing the copy so the writing styles were different from year to year but since it's just me, I've to find a way to make this year's different somehow. Probably with a thesaurus. Or with plagiarism. Do people actually take notice of how the reports are written or do they just zoom into the facts and figures?

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I forgot to put my spare office shoes back in the car after MJ's wedding so I'm wearing gym shoes at work, and on the same day I'm wearing my plain white short-sleeved shirt. I could pass for a JC kid if I didn't look so world-weary right now. I've a headache. Getting back into the gym groove is tough; I think I'm overheating with each session right now, like an old computer that's been overclocked. I've had to reduce my coffee intake to compensate for it. Sucks getting old.

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I really feel like some music. I wonder if people will be unhappy if I start wearing headphones at my desk. Duh.

"Remember the light is born every day, with tidings of comfort and joy." ~ Tori Amos


Hey y'all,



Welcome to the merry month of December. I hope everyone reading enjoys the festive season. I was hoping I would have good news re: employment, but alas, its been almost 1 year (minus the 1 month in San Francisco) since I last had a full time job and there aren't any opportunities that I can speak of at the moment. One can always hope though. I am looking for a position somewhere that has meaning for me like a social service agency or the like. It is worth the wait and I won't settle for less. I do have exciting news about a christmas wish I made a little while ago. Wishes do come true!



I have been in love with San Francisco since I first went there in May '08. What I wanted most was to spend this Christmas & New Years Eve there and thanks to a friend, my dream is coming true. Life in Vancouver is pretty boring and uneventful. I can't seem to connect with people here. I wanted to spend my holidays in a city that makes me come alive, where I seem to easily connect with friends and fun activities. I plan to make San Francisco home, one day, perhaps sooner rather then later. I've known since I was 17 that I would settle down in California. I hold to that dream. I am so looking forward to Christmas now. One of my favorite holidays! As this new month begins, I take a minute to pay tribute to World Aids Day.



A friend of mine, who I had been intimate with years ago told me a few weeks ago that he found out he is HIV+. It reminded me to get my yearly test. I found out today, fitting enough that I am still HIV-. I am thankful for my good health and well being. I pray for those who have lost loved ones or perhaps are challenged by this dis-ease. We will find a cure, one day. Safe sex is good sex! hehe I finished up the month of November by finally watching the movie 'Precious'. I posted this note on Facebook so am pasting it here. It was an awesome movie!



Based on the novel, Push by Sapphire, Precious set in Harlem, an overweight, illiterate teen who is pregnant with her second child is invited to enroll in an alternative school in hopes that her life can head in a new direction.Claireece Precious Jones endures unimaginable hardships in her young life. Abused by her mother, raped by her father, she grows up poor, angry, illiterate, fat, unloved and generally unnoticed. So what better way to learn about her than through her own, halting dialect.

I cried during this movie, because it touches the human spirit for anyone who has been through challenges, but hopes for a better tomorrow, a better path. I, myself grew up in a middle class family but was sexually abused by my cousin and also know what its like to be homeless and in poverty, in fact I am still even now, trying to find my way. All these experiences in my life have been "my practicum" for my career in social services. I don't regret a single thing I've experienced, for it makes me a richer human being.

I had a chance to first read the novel Push before watching the movie. The book & movie have some differences. They are both raw and very emotional. In some ways, I liked the book a bit more, because it felt more drawn out for me. I felt the essence of the book while watching Precious, so I am glad the spirit of it can still be felt. Gabourey 'Gabby' Sidibe who played Claireece Precious Jones and Mo'Nique who played her mother Mary gave Oscar worthy performances. The whole cast was great. Paula Patton who played Ms. Rain, Precious' teacher was warm and kind, like the kind of social worker I hope to be. Even Mariah Carey touched me with her performance. I also loved Precious' classmates.

If you need some healing in your life, a good cry or just a brilliant movie, go see 'Precious'. You will walk out of there truly feeling that no matter what life throws at you, you are much stronger deep down in your spirit then you can even imagine. * * * * 4 stars!

It touched me. I look forward to a prosperous, fun-filled December. It has always been a good social month. I hope to blog all about the good news and hope to have employment news this month! Happy December! Laters ~ T.

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I'm still tired from the long day - MJ's wedding - yesterday. One more wedding to be a best man to and then I'm free!

I keep protesting about how it's not fair that I've to endure the trials and tribulations of being best man to all four of my close straight friends but they get off scot-free when it comes to me. Even if I do have a wedding someday... Okay, I shall be positive and state that as a fact. When I have my wedding someday, it's hardly likely that it'll be as big a production, and there won't be the whole culture and tradition shebang - no being at the groom's place at 6am, no being tortured by bridesmaids, no driving to and fro various homes bearing roast pigs, et al.

"One table," I kept telling Roland, "well maybe two." I definitely wouldn't be inviting my whole extended family to dinner (that would be at least 10 tables in itself), and my close friends and immediate family would fit in one [big] table. I'm quite thankful that I wouldn't be blowing tens of thousands of dollars for a traditional wedding and can instead put the money to good use towards a gorgeous apartment or a nicer honeymoon or a ring with a diamond big and heavy enough to make his ring finger droop. Actually, it would be quite odd, to be wearing a wedding band suddenly and have my relatives asking me why I'm wearing one. Maybe we'll exchange cock rings instead or something.

But enough with the knocking of the traditional wedding. At times I did feel a bit sad that I wouldn't go through the whole process, the whole pomp of it all. And even though my mom irritates me to heck, it would've felt great to see her happily greet my relatives at the dinner reception and receive their congratulations. I'm glad that at least I'm not the only child and she'll still have those opportunities, albeit much later. Please remember to congratulate her at my cozy little wedding dinner, even if - especially if - she looks uncomfortable to be there, lol.

I was also kinda depressed that I'm the last single person. At my table were attached couple + married couple + married couple and child. Cue emo song: 李蕙敏- 囍宴. I've been given a deadline; I have a little less than a year to find at least a steady date to bring to the last wedding. I guess I had better seriously start manhunting.

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It's been so quiet at home with my mom and sister away. It's lovely! Dreading their return in a week.

Had to buy groceries for the maid to cook. First time ever I've bought fresh vegetables. Gosh I had no idea how cheap they were - a buck or two a bag and ten bucks total for 3 veges, a bunch of onions, a loaf of bread and a carton of eggs. I really have to learn to cook when I get my own place.